My son, Aidan, is an interesting character. He is kind of a mix between Mr. Bean and Jim Carrey (more Ace Ventura than anything else). As you can imagine, parenting such a character can be tough work. Or hilarious work. Not sure which it is more heavily. Depends on the day, I guess. (And how long I’ve been listening to the butt talking.) But there are some Aidan stories that leave me laughing, quite hysterically, much later. This is one of those stories. (And seriously, every single time we are getting on an escalator, I’m laughing so hard I am crying remembering Aidan’s first time on a escalator alone.)
So, we’re at the mall. All of us. I’ve got the baby, The Pastor has the toddler, and we’re asking the two oldest to please use the escalator alone for just this once because we do not want to walk all the way to the elevator. Imogene is nervous, but feels up to the task. I’m going to go first, so I can help verbally getting them off at the top. So, I get on the escalator with the baby. I turn and verbally help Imogene jump on. She’s a good 2 or 3 steps below me because it took some time to work up the nerve. Now, it is Aidan’s turn.
Now, imagine an episode of Mr. Bean where Mr. Bean rides an escalator. Now multiply that by 10 and you have what follows. So, Aidan first steps onto the escalator with one foot. That foot begins to rise with the escalator while the other is firmly planted on the ground. (Keep in mind, the Pastor is behind him giving him verbal instructions. And at this point, I am almost halfway up the escalator.) Once he gets to a splits position and begins rising with the escalator, he starts to panic. He is scrambling around trying to figure out what to do. At no point does it occur to him to stand up, despite The Pastor being behind him on the escalator now saying, “Just stand up before we get to the top, buddy.” Aidan is scrambling. I’m at the top by now, helping Imogene off the escalator. We are watching Aidan freaking out and rolling around on the escalator trying to figure out how he is going to get off at the top. About 3/4 of the way up, he decides he has the perfect riding position for the rest of the ride. So he rolls over on his back on one of the steps with both legs and arms straight up in the air like a dead opossum. And there he lays, waiting to reach the top. The Pastor is a few steps down from him holding the toddler, telling Aidan to get up. I’m laughing so hard I cannot be of any help. Aidan reaches the top, on his back. He then rolls over and crawls away from the escalator, where he stands and pumps both arms in the air declaring victory over the dreaded escalator. “I did it! I did it all by myself!”
That is just one tiny glimpse into parenting Mr. Bean. I have tried so many times to relay this story verbally, and I cannot do it. I just laugh too hard to even speak.