Ask LJ: Toddler Advice

Dear LJ,

My toddler keeps knocking things off the shelves in the store! How do I act?

Frustrated Mum

IMGP3001Frustrated Mum,

Is there any chance the toddler is not yours? Not your toddler, you just thank the Lord that today is not your day to deal with that. And smile! Bystanders of toddler tantrums should always smile at mom and dad!

The child is yours? Oh. Can you pretend they aren’t? Just kidding. Though, isn’t that where we all go?

Having raised 4 toddlers already, working on the fifth now, with one more to go, I’ll give you my not so expert advice since in all my toddler raising days I have never raised YOUR specific toddler. Unfortunately, there is likely no one size fits all approach, so you, as the presiding expert on raising YOUR toddler will just have to do what feels right for you.

Option 1: Tie that sucker down. I don’t mean it mean. Sure they want to walk. But the buggy can be your friend! Just make sure you don’t get the buggy (or cart or whatever they call it where you live) too close to the shelves. You know that annoying person that walks in the center of the aisle? Well now you know why.

Option 1a: If this is not a buggy kind of store, strap him to your back or plop him into the stroller. Again, take care to stay away from the shelves!

Bonus expert tip: Keep the snacks flowing! They sit happier when they are preoccupied with snacks. Icees are the only way Target ever happens.

Bonus expert tip: Singing ridiculous songs very loudly can keep a toddler quite for quite some time. In my experience, toddler happiness > personal embarrassment. Great Big Poop one more time, everybody!

Option 2: Leave. Seriously, some things are not worth fighting over. If it isn’t a necessity, hang up the gloves and let the kid win. Get out of there!

Option 3: This can be combined with Option 1. Make your necessary trips fast! If your particular brand of toddler has zero patience, a leisurely stroll around Target is ill advised. Get your junk and get out!

Option 4: Don’t attempt any store with your toddler. I know this sounds drastic, but there are some toddlers… Work out some arrangement by which the child does not have to darken a store until they are 4. Or 5. Or maybe 16.

Option 5: Online shopping. What can’t you buy online?

Now, whatever you do, don’t do the following things:

-Yell. They don’t listen. Eventually they’ll train you on this one.

-Act like a toddler. As tempting as it might be to join them in pitching a fit, refrain. Someone has to be the grown up around here and it sure isn’t them.

-Reason with them. They aren’t there yet. If you find yourself arguing with a toddler, you need to rethink some things in your life. And they don’t know WHY. Gravity. I mean, the answer is usually just gravity.

-Lecture them. Wah wah wah wah wah wah. Look! You turned into Charlie Brown’s teacher.

You’ve got this, Mum! Go get ’em!

**Ask LJ is a fictitious advice column based on search engine searches that send people to my site somehow. All advice given is by me, who is, again, not an expert on your kid.**

**If you really need help with a toddler, I have a couple book suggestions you can check out in all that free time between poop and jam and broken toys and more poop and baby powder in the carpet. Making The Terrible Twos Terrific. Your Two Year Old.** This post contains affiliate links.

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