Category: Out Of My Head

ScentBird Review

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I’ve been trying out quite a few new things to review for you guys. Today, we’re talking about the company ScentBird. You’ve probably seen ads on your social media for them.

If you don’t know what ScentBird is, I’ll fill you in. It is a perfume (or cologne) subscription service. They have all manner of other products these days you can choose from, as well, but I used it solely for fragrance, since that is what the heart of the company is.

You choose a plan for 1-3 fragrances a month for the price of $14.95 to $34.98 each month. Each fragrance “sample” is actually pretty large. They’re close to the size of a roll-on perfume, but they’re a spray! Each bottle contains about 120 sprays of perfume. They consider that a month of perfume, but it is, in fact, a lot of perfume! It is much bigger than the big sample bottles. These bottles are 8ml. The largest sample perfume I have is 2ml. So, you are getting a decent amount of product. Now, they sent me a fancy case that you can change out the scent in when I signed up. You can add more of them as you desire. But each scent regularly comes in a white paper tube thing with a lid. I like that. I write the name of the perfume in sharpie on that tube so I can easily find them in my drawer.

The basic premise is that you can try a perfume for a month to see if you like it. This is excellent for anyone who just doesn’t quite know what they like. It is also good for people who want to change it up often or who want a variety of scents to choose from each day without buying a dozen perfumes.

Now, this is where I think their model falls apart. Once I find a perfume I love and want to commit to in a bigger bottle, ScentBird doesn’t sell that. They only sell the sample sizes. So, I have to go find this perfume only to realize that not all the perfumes they carry are available to buy in the US. (Big bummer.) So, it doesn’t really help you find your perfect scent if they aren’t helping you acquire your perfect scent. As a business model, it is designed to become obsolete– only they don’t really expect you to find what you’re looking for. They expect that you’ll want to go on sampling forever. Only, no repeat sampling!

They have a huge range of scents! I could probably make a queue that would last me several years. Some of their scents are “premium” and cost an extra $5. I haven’t found much of a rhyme or reason for the extra charge. Some very expensive perfumes are on the regular list and some that aren’t so expensive are on the premium list. They say there are premium products that might be up to $15 more, but I’ve only come across the $5 upcharges.

Their billing is a little crazy. They’ll bill at the very beginning of the month and will not ship until the end of the month. I had one month come at the beginning of the next month, just a day before I was charged again for the next perfume on my queue. Their shipping seems to be very slow. I will say that each perfume is packaged well, though.

You can skip months easily or cancel. If you cancel, they’ll start offering you the moon to stay. They’ll throw in another free holder and possibly a free perfume if you’ll just sign up again. Once you rejoin, your queue awaits you. It doesn’t disappear. So you can get a month, cancel, sign back up when you’re ready for more. It was easy to cancel.

The app is easy to use. You can add to your queue, cancel, skip, and review from the app. You can do all those things from the website, as well.

All in all, it is a service I enjoyed. I don’t think I can take getting perfume every month because it quickly becomes too much. But I like the concept. It is also appealing that if I don’t like a scent, I can just pass it on to a friend without being out lots of money. I think a ScentBird subscription would also make a great gift. You can give the gift of ScentBird and let the recipient choose their own scents through the year.

I really do wish I could get Hollyrose by Room 1015, though. That perfume was my jam. And to all of you thinking I smelled like a grandma last month, you’re welcome. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I’m now rationing out the last of it. And moving on to this month’s Wild Poppy, which isn’t nearly as good.

Also, if you’re not a perfume person, maybe you should rethink your position. Perfume always fits. And some of it is awful. But some of it is awesome. And sometimes you get compliments on how you smell. And sometimes people are nicer because you smell nice. And some people still don’t like perfume and that is okay.

** This post dose contain an affiliate link. It does not cost you more to use the link, but it does benefit me. Using affiliate links is a great way to support your favorite content creators.**

Ashes

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What a strange way to spend a Lent— am I right? With our current situation around the world, it can be very hard to keep perspective. It can be difficult not to let fear overtake us. It can be difficult not to mock the fears of others and act like this is all some giant overreaction. This life-in-the-doorway thing— it isn’t so easy (see Leviticus 8).

Let’s not loose our perspective, though. We just observed Ash Wednesday. Every year—with ashes— we remind ourselves and one another that death awaits each of us. We wore ashes on our faces reminding us that we are mortal and this life will not last forever.

Ash Wednesday can seem like such a morbid Christian holy day. The praises to our King from last Palm Sunday anoint our heads as ashes this Ash Wednesday, reminding us that from dust we came and to dust we will return (see Ecclesiastes 3; see also Genesis 3). This seems like such a pessimistic way to live, and it would be if Ash Wedesday were the end of the story. It would be if death still held ultimate power over each of us, but the season of Lent doesn’t end in ashes— it begins in ashes. Our hope lies in something beyond the ashes— in pushing through the ashes.

We are not a people without hope! On Ash Wednesday, we are reminded of our own mortality, and in this current pandemic, we are reminded of human frailty. In the words of Beta from The Walking Dead, “You were dead when you came to us.” That is the truth each of us walks in. We are all under the curse of death. We will all feel death’s dark and dreaded sting. We’re all walking in ashes, and this year, that feels particularly more true. But we are not a people without hope.

This Lent, we’re walking with our ashes in a heavier way than ever before. Our mortality, our frailty, life’s uncertainty— it all weighs heavily on us this Lent. We’re all sacrificing much more than we anticipated. (I mean, have any of you given up toilet paper for Lent?) We’re all walking through a trying valley— whether we’re combating the fear that creeps up on us every time we hear of a new case of the virus (or another establishment closing because of it) or whether we’re combating our own cynicism. Christians know that death is coming for all of us. This world is not yet remade. This life is not yet glorified.

But we are not a people without hope. Easter is coming. Just like we held onto that hope of the shining star during Advent, we now hold onto the hope that morning is coming and the night will soon end. Death and darkness don’t get the final say. The ashes will be washed away in the light of the morning. Easter is coming. Our Savior faced death, just like you and I one day will. Our Savior died, just like you and I one day will. But death could not hold Him. Death does not win. Christ overcomes death, hell, and the grave. Christ raises us anew— into new life. So while we may mourn and even fear, we are not a people without hope.

As we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we have a Savior who walks with us (see Psalm 23). Do not fear this current pandemic or any evil. Jesus has already conquered death, and He walks with us. That doesn’t mean it won’t be a hard road we walk. That doesn’t mean this time isn’t dark. It just means that we walk in the knowledge that light is coming, help is near, and hope can still be found.

Jesus is not your anti-viral. The righteous and the unrighteous both face the consequences of living in a fallen world (see Romans 3). I can’t tell you not to worry about the virus. I can tell you that you can walk with Jesus even with the threat of the virus hanging over you. I can’t tell you that you won’t get sick— you might; I might. I can tell you that Jesus will be with you even in sickness and suffering. I can tell you He Himself suffered. I can tell you ashes aren’t the end of the story. Those of us who are found in Christ— we have hope that, though we will return to dust, the Lord who made us from the dust can (and will!) remake us in His image when He makes all things new (see Revelation 21). Even in human suffering, God’s mercy is with us. Even in the dark times, light still shines (see John 1:5).

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every mornings; great is your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in Him.'” – Lamentations 3:22-24 (ESV)

Live as a people with hope! Show mercy. Show understanding. Wash your hands. Easter is coming.

“In the Morning” by JJ Heller

“Lead Me On” by Audrey Assad

“The King Beetle on the Coconut Estate” by Mewithoutyou

Pregnancy Favorites

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Yes, we’re expecting again! It may be no surprise to anyone by now, but we’re excited to be welcoming a baby girl sometime next May. I’m pretty surprised to find out we’re having another girl. If you don’t know, our oldest is a girl, and then we had five boys. Baby seven was a surprise girl. And now baby eight is also a girl! The ladies are catching up. Being pregnant that many times, I definitely have my pregnancy favorites and I figured I’d share.

We’ll start with jeans. It can be VERY difficult to find pregnancy jeans. Let me just tell you, overbelly might seem ridiculous when you’re four months pregnant with your first belly, but they are all that will fit in month nine.

My favorite maternity jeans are the Levi Gold Label Jeans. The small, medium, large sizing might be a bit confusing, but they are true to size if you use the size chart. Always go bigger when in doubt. (Your nine month pregnant self will thank you.)

My runner up jeans are the Indigo Blue Secret Fit Belly jeans from Motherhood Maternity. The belly portion is super comfortable, but it doesn’t hold up very well over time. They’ll last a single pregnancy comfortably, and then you’ll likely have holes in the belly portion by the next baby.

My least favorite jeans are Old Navy maternity jeans. The spandex in the jean fabric just gives out too easily and after one pregnancy the denim portion is all stretched and weird looking.

Maternity underwear are difficult to find. You may have luck just getting your normal undies in a bigger size. You may not find you need anything different, depending on the style you wear.

I love these Gratlin Over Belly Maternity Underwear. They offer belly support and smoothing, but not so much it is uncomfortable. They look seamless under clothes, even those form fitting maternity dresses. They are super stretchy and feel really comfortable. Even if you only grab one pair to wear under *that* dress, definitely try them!

There is forever the question of the maternity pillow. Do you have to have one? No. But you’ll end up with about 10 regular pillows trying to make up for not having one. I have two that I like.

The Boppy Pregnancy Support Pillow is a small pillow that only goes between your thighs and a tiny bit under your belly. This is a good pillow if you are short or if you just want a little support. I also really like this pillow postpartum because my hips are still sore, and it supports them without being in the way of feeding the baby at all.

If you want full body comfort, the Queen Rose Pregnancy Pillow is the way to go. It is huge and takes up the space of another person in the bed, but it is comfort to the extreme. You may be wondering why you need a pillow behind you when sleeping. Around month eight, you’ll realize why.

How to combat the pregnancy nausea? For me, upping my protein intake is the first way to decrease the all day sickness. If I can’t stand the thought of eating meat, hemp protein powder is the way to go. I specifically like the chocolate flavor. I mix it in the blender with ice, milk, and a couple coffee beans. It is delicious and easy on the stomach.

Ginger Chews are my second way to stave off nausea. Not only do they help with the blood sugar dropping that causes nausea, but the ginger helps soothe the stomach. I specifically love the Ginger People brand of ginger chews. If I can’t find the Ginger People, I go for Reed’s.

I’ve also had luck in a few pregnancies with using Sea Bands to combat nause. They are definitely worth trying to see if they’ll work for you since they are inexpensive and pretty much side effect free.

If all else fails, grab some Unisom and B6 and take it around the clock. Yes, you will sleep most of the time, but you won’t be throwing up. It definitely got me through my worst morning sickness pregnancy. Definitely check with your doctor. There is also a prescription version available that is time released, so you may want to ask about it.

It can be hard to find that perfect pregnancy dress that is effortless, comfortable, and cute. Definitely check out Amazon, and don’t limit yourself to the maternity section. Usually the reviews will tell you if a dress is good for maternity or not. There are so many cute and afforable dresses on Amazon, check them out.

My current favorite is this faux wrap maternity dress from Mother Bee. It is pretty, but feel like I’m wearing pajamas. It isn’t tight or binding anywhere. They also have a short sleeve version, which I rock in the winter with a cardigan. I do kind of wish I had sized up instead of buying my regular size simply because the sleeves would have been looser. (They aren’t tight, they just fit like a fitted t-shirt.) These wrap top dresses are also super handy postpartum for breastfeeding.

If you’re looking for something more form fitting, but also comfortable, try this one by Maternity Bee. Or this one from Hello Miz. Or this one by My Bump.

During pregnancy, you’ll likely outgrow your bras and want something more comfortable. Go ahead and buy nursing bras. Not only are they comfortable, they’ll be useful once the baby is born.

The Bravado nursing bras are my favorites. They are comfortable, but hold well.

If you’re looking for bargain bras that are similar, try the GXXGE version.

These Caramel Cantina nursing bras are excellent for sleeping. Just make sure to size up if in doubt.

You’re not going to avoid stretch marks by using a specific cream. It is more about genetics and individual skin characteristics and not about some magic cream. However, the skin on the belly does get really uncomfortable during pregnancy and belly cream can help sooth the itching and stetching feeling.

Palmer’s Coca Butter is the original and the go-to for most moms. It feels nice on the skin, but the smell bothered me personally.

I really like the Motherlove Pregnant Belly Salve. It is natural, cruelty-free, and the smell didn’t bother me. I also liked the Burt’s Bee belly cream before they changed the formula.

Y’all know this is hard for me to narrow down. I have a couple shelves full of pregnancy and birth books. I’m just going to give you a short list of my favorites.

Mama Natural Week-by-Week Guide to Pregnancy

The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth

The Natural Pregnancy Book

Holy Labor

If you need a pregnancy support belt, I prefer this style. It offers enough support, but without feeling restricting. Definitely wear over a layer of clothes.

You may want a Belly Band. I used it with my first pregnancies pretty often, but not so much for later pregnancies. I just opted to break out my maternity clothes a lot sooner.

Postpartum, you may wand to use a belly binder. It helps hold your insides in and keeps your from feeling like you’re jello in the middle. I prefer the Bamboo Belly Bandit. It is the most comfortable, for me, and I felt like it helped hold everything together well. Note that your insurance may cover a postpartum binder from the hospital. Their version isn’t as nice and comfortable, but it does the job and it’ll save you money.

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End of Summer Favorites

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I rounded up my favorite things lately to share with you guys. I do have a few things that I don’t like, as well.

We’ll start with these Pilot Frixion Ballpoint Gel Pens. I’ve been using these to write in my Gentle Feast planner as well as take notes in my textbooks. I just like the way they write. Sometimes on glossy paper, they do act a little funny and they will smear if you don’t let them dry. But overall, I’ve been reaching for these pens the most. The “eraser” on the top is the perfect size. (If you buy these pens, to use, you click the pen clip down.)

These Pilot Frixion Fineliners, on the other hand, fall into the dislike category. They do this weird disappearing thing on glossy paper. They don’t completely disappear, but they don’t look like they’re staying, either. They work well on Bible paper, so I’ve been taking them to church on Sunday to take sermon notes in my She Reads Truth Bible, but that seems to be their only use. The “eraser” part is also really large and clunky to work with.

This is a regular favorite– Zum Mist. I absolutely love this stuff. I swear I’m going to branch out beyond the patchouli scent one day, but every time I try, I end up rebuying patchouli because I love it so much. I came really close to buying the sea salt scent this time, but they were out. This is an essential oil spray. It doesn’t leave oil or color stains on clothes or fabric. You can spray it on anything. I usually spray it on my person. It is strong enough to notice, but never overpowering. This is also a great option for tweens and teens instead of their body spray. (Whoever made Axe body spray hates mothers.) This stuff is all natural, and your kids can spray as much as they want without knocking you down when they walk by. I get lots of compliments on this scent.

Another Zum product that I have been loving is this Dragon’s Blood Zum Rub. It is very oily and thick, but it is magic on rough hands. I’ve been having issues with really dry, cracked cuticles and fingertips, and this stuff is just magic. It smells nice, and it makes my hands look soft and pretty again in no time. It is very similar to the Badger Balm Healing Hand, but I like the Zum formula a little more. The Badger Balm can be a little bit gritty feeling as you’re rubbing it in.

Nubian Heritage soap is the stuff dreams are made of. I absolutely love this one. The Patchouli and Buriti scent is so perfect. It does leave your skin smelling like patchouli but not quite as much as a Zum Bar— much more subtle than that. I have tried a few of the other scents, and while they are lovely, I apparently have very strong postive feelings toward patchouli. It is just my happy scent. I also really like the Nubian Heritage deodorant. It isn’t my all-time favorite natural deodorant, but it is really nice. The smell is perfect. It is my go-to pick when I don’t have time to wait for my favorite to ship and need to run to Sprouts to pick something up.

Since we’re talking about deodorant, I posted on the Facebook page about this one. This ZionHealth ClayDry deodorant is the best natural deodorant I have ever tried. And I have tried A LOT of them. I’m currently using the Palo Santo scent (not this one), I really love it. The ClayDry is a bit firm, but if you have trouble with it, hit it with the blow dryer or warm it under your arm and it’ll spread better. This stuff not only smells awesome, but it also leaves you feeling great and fresh for a VERY long time. I do not order this from Amazon; no, I usually order from Adamaminerals.com. They send great coupons and have excellent customer service.

I’ve been wearing this lip gloss pretty much every day. It is the Dominique Cosmetics Lemonade lip gloss in the color Peach Tea. It is just the perfect color, and the gloss is shiny and moistuizing but not tacky or stringy. It is a gloss, so it isn’t super long-wearing and does need reapplication, but the light color makes it so that you can apply it quickly like chapstick without needing a mirror.

On to the two makeup products I very much dislike. This Becca Hydramist powder is the worst powder I have ever used. I usually love Becca products, so I was so confused to find that I hated this one. I was trying to upgrade my Coty Airspun powder. (Turns out, Coty Airspun is just the best loose powder, even though it is super cheap.) This powder feels wet when you put it on. It also doesn’t dry smoothly on my skin. It bunches up and has patchy spots. It is so weird. It is cooling, but it looks awful. I tried to bake the under eyes with it, which was a nightmare. I tried just using it as a finshing powder, but that worked out horribly, as well. It is just not a good formula at all.

I was really excited about this Wander Beauty Glow Ahead Illuminating Face Oil. It is more of a serum-feeling primer, which is why I was excited about it. I’ve been looking for a glowy primer, but this isn’t it. It isn’t terrible. It doesn’t do awful things to my skin, but it really just doesn’t do anything at all. It looks pretty and shimmery in my hand, but on my face it looks like nothing. It looks just like any other serum. If you’re looking for a glowy primer, skip this one and try the Becca First Light Primer. It actually makes you glow.

I bought this book quite a while ago but just got around to reading it. Our ladies book club read it, and I’m really glad I finally read it. It wasn’t at all what I was expecting; it was so much better. I did not anticipate being so deeply moved by this book. I figured it would just be encouragement to read the Bible daily. Yes, it was that, but it gave so much more depth to holding tight to God through Scripture. This is one of those life-changing reads. It deals a great deal with grief and loss, and I didn’t know how much I needed that right now. I highly-recommend this book. I know I’m always recommending the She Reads Truth stuff. It is just all so worth checking out.

For The Children’s Sake is another book I’ve been planning to read for a long time and just got around to. We have been moving toward a Charlotte Mason approach from The Well-Trained Mind classical approach for the last few years, but this year we made the leap into a fully-Charlotte Mason curriculum. I felt like I needed more of an understanding of the methods as I began that endeavor. I’ve listened to podcasts and taken some online classes, but this book is just so much more. It feels a little dated, but there are some really great things all homeschool parents need to hear in this book. I’m really glad I read it. This is one I would say is a must-read for homeschool moms.

A book I greatly disliked was Defiant Joy. I was sweetly sent an advanced reading copy of this book; unfortunately, I just didn’t like it. It is so shallow. There is this push to put out Christian Living books, particularly for women, and so many of them simply lack substance. Many of them aren’t even Christian. I felt like she was saying the same things over and over, spreading too wide of a net, and not diving deeply into the subject at all. There were a handful of inspirational quotes for your Instagram wall but nothing truly noteworthy about the book.

I know I posted this in my Homeschool Resources post, but it is definitely worth repeating. These digital cards from Twig and Moth are just the most beautiful little things. You purchase the digital files and then print and cut them yourself. I print them on cardstock, and they turn out beautifully. I’m not kidding; I fully plan on giving some printed card sets as gifts this year— they are so lovely. I use these with our nature study. I print each kid their own card set. They love them. Each card has a beautiful watercolor illustration and an explanation with it. We used the Seeds and Seedlings last week and are breaking out the Minibeasts this week.

These are all my favorites and not favorites for right now.

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***Items sent to me free for review will not necessarily get a positive review.***

ESV Study Bible Review

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Once again, Crossway sent me a beautiful Bible to review. This time, it is the ESV Study Bible. I was curious how it would compare to the ESV Heirloom Study Bible, since it is significantly cheaper.

The genuine leather of this Bible is slightly more stiff than the goatskin leather of the Heirloom. It is super nice leather, but doesn’t have that soft, floppy feel the goatskin has. It feels much better than bonded leather, but is a bit more firm.

This is really my only complaint about this Bible. It only has one ribbon marker. I’ve been spoiled by having multiple ribbon markers, so one ribbon just seems crazy now. (For the record, four is the ideal number of ribbon markers for a Bible: one for Old Testament, one for the Psalms, one for the Gospels, and one for New Testament.)

You have these pretty standard pages in the beginning of the Bible. Of course, it isn’t enough of any of the headings for a lifetime Bible.

Each book of the Bible has a pretty lengthy introduction, which includes maps, outlines, timelines– basically anything to help you understand the context of the writing. The maps are all full color. It doesn’t have as many pictures as the Heirloom Study Bible has, but it does contain a lot of study materials.

The Bible passages are single column, but the reference materials are double column down below. The font of the Bible passages is pretty large and very clear to read. The reference materials are smaller font, but still readable.

There are quite a few articles tucked into the back of the Bible, much like the Heirloom. These articles are fascinating, but as far as I can tell they are pretty much the same ones in the Heirloom Study Bible. (Not that it is a bad thing, just that you definitely don’t need both.) There are also several full color glossy maps in the back after the concordance.

Overall, this Bible is very well made and an excellent study Bible. For preaching, it is probably much too busy and you’d be flipping pages quite often for shorter texts. It doesn’t have quite as much as the Heirloom Study Bible, but it is considerably cheaper. Crossway really makes some beautiful Bibles. I woud highly recommend this Bible to anyone needing a good study Bible. The ESV is a good translation for personal Bible study and the extra tools and insights in this Bible will help as you read the Scriptures to understand.

** This item was sent to me free for review. I am in no way obligated to review it favorably. All opinions are my own. **

*** This post contains affiliate links. Affiliate links are a great way to support your favorite content creators as they do not cost you any extra money to use, but a small portion of the sale goes to the creator. ***

**** I originally said Omega Reference Bible instead of the Heirloom Study Bible. I can’t keep my Bibles straight, apparently. Click HERE for my review of the Heirloom Study Bible. No link to a review of the Omega Reference Bible, because I don’t have that one. (Puts face into palm.) ****

Good Enough Parenting

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If you follow me, you’ll know that I have made the foolhardy decision to go back to school. Because, you know, homeschooling seven kids and being in full-time ministry isn’t enough on a person. I clearly lacked the pressure of deadlines and lamenting over formatting issues in the wee hours of the morning in case my toddler isn’t keeping me up enough. Smack dab in the middle of my struggle to be everything to everyone, I get to take a lifespan development class. Now, I was really not looking forward to knowing all the ways I was currently messing up my kids’ lives. I’d really rather just keep my head down and get through this degree program.

And right on schedule, as I dove into lifespan development for the third time (I’ve had lifespan development classes before from other perspectives), I was ready to feel bad about the stress I am putting my family under right now. At first, I got that— the guilt. Infants rely on the steady care of a single caregiver and are upset when that is disrupted. Sorry Daisy. Preschoolers need adequate scaffolding to help them acquire new and deeper skills. Sorry Pippin, can’t scaffold for you, Mama’s got to write a paper about it instead. School aged children need security and patience with close monitoring as they learn new skills and begin to see themselves as others see them. Sorry Topher and Ransom, I don’t have time to monitor your mud pit fun, I’ve got papers to write. You get the idea. Everything is a slap in the face when you feel like you’re messing everything up— especially when you’re a mom of seven in school full time.

Then I came across the work of Donald Winnicott. He was an English pediatrician and psychoanalyst who voiced the idea of the “good enough” parent. I’m going to be grossly simplifying his work and pretty much just talking about a singular aspect. I’m imagining that if you were especially fond of psychoanalytic theory of infant development, you’d likely be taking the class I’m taking or reading a much longer book about the topic. (And just as a point of interest, the class ended up being extremely interesting and insightful. I feel like I only scratched the surface and would need another year to follow all the little rabbit trails my brain made.) For Winnicott, children didn’t need perfect parents. Children needed someone they could count on, but that someone didn’t have to be perfect all the time, they just had to be good enough. They just had to show up, love the kid, and do their best. Winnicott said that was the best kind of parent.

In today’s “perfect parenting” world, where parents feel judged every time they turn around, a world where parents spend so much time comparing their own parenting (and life) to what they see on Instagram, it is a breath of fresh air to read an expert tell us we only need to be “good enough”. The idea that everything bad that happens to our kid will be our fault is never flipped. If I’m responsible for all wrong roads my child may take, I’m also responsible for the right ones. And really, according to Winnicott, if I show up and do my best, my kids will turn out fine. Winnicott realized something our society won’t mention. Moms are people. They come with their own burdens, insecurities, and issues. Learning to be there for a child while still being a real person isn’t the easiest task for some people. And if you’re showing up, trying your best, and meeting the kid’s needs most of the time— you’re doing a good enough job of it. Not all of us can be Instagram perfect. We can’t have the perfect house with everything in various shades of white and grey. (How do you people keep white couches clean with kids?!) We can’t all be stay at home moms with endless budgets for all the kids enrichment activities and the “right” toys, clothes, and baby gear. We can’t all have all organic everything from the local farmer’s market. Life is messy. Life isn’t always ideal. The good news, according to Winnicott, is that we don’t need all those things. We need to pay attention most of the time. We need to provide security most of the time. We need need to learn to sacrifice, but it is okay for life to not be all sacrifice. We won’t get the mothering thing right every single time. The good enough mom knows this and can give herself some grace, learn from her mistakes, and move on. 

So if I have to delegate some schooling tasks to Dad for the next year, that is okay. If afternoon reading time has to be audible books, that is okay. If my cooking slips to eating PB&J a little too often, they will survive. If I’m not sewing them cute clothes and instead slipping them into hand-me-downs, I doubt they’ll notice. I’m here. I’m doing my best. The kids will be alright, I’m good enough. 

Not About “Me-Time”

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There is this myth in our culture that we have to look out for number one in order to get anywhere successfully. “Put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others.” It sounds like such wise advise. It sounds like wisdom. 

People hop from church to church because they aren’t “fed”. Even worse are those that use multiple churches to meet all their own “spiritual” needs. Sunday morning here, Bible study there, women’s group over here— using what they consider to be the “best” of each “option” to build their perfect spiritual atmosphere. 

There is a very big book industry based on this concept. You’ll find options to fit every person, every religious affiliation, every type of person. Moms need “me-time”. Christians need “me-time”. Women need “me-time”. It sounds like wisdom. 

Sometimes, what sounds like wisdom, isn’t wisdom at all. 1 Corinthians 3:19-20 (CSB) says, “For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God, since it is written, He catches the wise in their craftiness; and again, the Lord knows that the reasonings of the wise are futile.” This message of “me-time”— looking out for yourself first— that isn’t the Christian message at all. In fact, it is pretty much the opposite. As Philippians 2:4 says, we are to look out not for our own interests, but the interests of others. (If you want to argue the “not only” portion, do yourself a favor and look up the MOUNCE Greek translation on Bible Gateway and see that the “not only” has no Greek underneath, because it isn’t in the Greek. See Dr. Kinlaw’s The Mind of Christ for more on that subject.) 

Christ says, to find your life, you have to lose it. He doesn’t say that, to find your life, you need to set aside an appropriate amount of me time in order to better “center yourself” for that life. Nope. Following Jesus is dying to self. Anyone who loves his life will lose it. Jesus is full of paradox. Things that sound like wisdom are foolish. The last will be made first— not because it is fair, but because that is His way. Those who lead will serve. Those who seem wise will be fools. If you really want to live, you lay down your life and let Him live through you. 

I’m not saying to neglect your health. I’m not saying that anything you do “for yourself” is sinful. I am saying that perhaps we need to look a little closer at the wisdom of the world and not accept it just because it sounds like wisdom. Check it against what God says in His book. Check it against your cultural assumptions. (Gym time is a luxury not afforded to many in this world. If you equate your gym time with personal righteousness, you are saying something about who can and cannot be righteous according to your gospel.) 

If I find myself looking for the religious experience that best suits me, I doubt I will find it. If I’m not being “fed”, perhaps the issue is that I’m not out in the field sowing. (“He who does not work will not eat” could apply to spiritual feeding, as well.) Perhaps I need to stop treating church like a spiritual gym and more like the meeting together of the people of God. 

When I am tired as a mother, the Bible does not tell me that luxury (through gym time, manicures, shopping, hair appointments, massages, etc.) is the way to find rest for my soul and strength for my task; the Bible tells me that in my weakness, He will be strong. It tells me that I can rest in Him and His promises. The Bible tells me that I will not work alone and that my work in making disciples of my children is His great commission. I could write an entire book on the blessing of being a mother and the amount of grace I’ve received from letting God work in those tired, busy times— but for today I’ll save you all of that. What I will say to the fellow mother who is struggling, feeling weighed down— the answer isn’t “me-time”. The answer is Jesus. Throw your full weight of burden on Him and watch Him transform it into something beautiful, meaningful, and redemptive.

Be careful, dear friends, in listening to what seems like wisdom. There is nothing wrong with going to the gym, getting your nails done, getting a massage, etc. There is something wrong if you equate those things with what it means to be a godly person. There is something wrong if you see those things as your “right”. There is something wrong if you are so focused and intent on those things that your are putting them first. This isn’t a call to martyrdom— to smear yourself in ashes and sackcloth to prove your righteousness. This is a call to take up your cross and follow Jesus. This is a call to stop thinking about yourself so much and start thinking about how you can serve others like Jesus.

Word Before World

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I’m scrolling through Instagram when I wake up this morning and come across a hashtag that gets my mind rolling. #wordbeforeworld . Now, this isn’t the first time I had seen the hashtag. I have seen @wellwateredwomen posting it for several days now. But it was the first time I stopped and took note.

What is the first thing I do when I wake up? Usually grumble about the kids already being awake and lament how late I stayed up the night before. But the first thing I usually choose to do after pulling myself out of bed and getting ready for the day is grab my iPad and start checking social media. I choose to plunge into the world first. Always. The Word part normally comes when I’ve done everything else I need to do for the day. Sure, we get into the Word every morning during Morning Basket time, so I guess I could count that. But before I even do morning basket, I’m checking my social media accounts.

Of course, my mind went to Deuteronomy chapter 6. The people of God are being told not to forget who they are and what God has done for them. They are to teach their children, talk of them in their house, talk of God’s commands walking around going about their day. They are to write them on the doorposts of their houses. And they are to think of them when they lie down and when they rise up.

It got me thinking of the giving of the first fruits, something we remind ourselves when we tithe. We give God the first of what he has given to us. So, what is more valuable than our time? The days, hours, and minutes we have? Why wouldn’t we give the first of our time each day, too?

Essentially, when I choose social media before getting into the Word of God, I’m stating my priorities for the day. Connection, news, self-image- all those things we tie up in social media- I’m saying those are the most important for me. I’m saying that my FOMO (fear of missing out) on the world is more important than my FOMO on God.

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with social media. I think we, as Christians, need to remain engaged in social media as a way to influence our culture. But as all our youth pastor’s warned us, we need to be careful of how we let it shape us. So, I’m not saying we should all pull away from social media. I think a host of evangelism can be done through a screen in our culture.

I am saying that I found myself guilty this morning. I realized I’ve not been putting first things first. I’ve been putting them last. When there is time. At the bottom of the to-do list. And those priorities will never stand. The Word will never shape me because I’m not letting it take the rightful place in my life. That is not anyone’s fault but mine.

I had thought of New Year’s Resolutions in abstract terms. I knew I needed more discipline in my spiritual life and my physical life, so I was just going to abstractly focus on discipline. I now realize an abstract one word focus isn’t going to get me where I need to be. Sure, it will help me think of where I need to be. But I need action steps. I need firm commitments to being disciplined.

So, with discipline as my word of the year, my first practical step is going to be Word before World. That is my first firm commitment to the process of being disciplined. Word before World. I will seek Him first.

Happy Advent Giveaway!

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I’ve got a special Advent gift for one lucky winner! A Too Faced Peanut Butter and Jelly eyeshadow palette. I love this palette. The colors are so warm. You’ve got a little pop of color with the jelly color. This is a true all in one eyeshadow palette, meaning you can use just this palette to make a full eye look. No additional products needed. I liked it so much, I bought it’s sister palette Peanut Butter and Honey. And don’t worry, the Too Faced Peanut Butter palettes contain no actual peanut products. They say they smell like peanut butter, but I think they just smell like sweet vanilla cookies.

So, how can you win? Easy!

Comment here and get one entry.

Comment on Facebook and get one entry.

Share on Facebook and get one entry.

Subscribe to the blog and get one entry.

On St. Nicholas Day (December 6), I’ll draw a name to win this palette!

What Does A Pastor Do?

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Last month was Pastor Appreciation Month. During that month, you’ll have a handful of people share on social media a little peek into the difficult life of being a pastor. But for the most part, most people sit around and wonder what a pastor actually does. You hear a statistic that pastor’s routinely work 60-70 hours a week, and most people wonder, “Doing what?” More than one person has responded to hearing my husband is a pastor with something along the lines of, “Must be nice to only work two hours a week.” They mean it as a joke, but the fact is, most people don’t have any idea what a pastor does all week. So, I figured I’d shed a little light on that. Not all pastors do all these things. Some pastors are bivocational, meaning they work more than one job, and cannot do all these things. Some churches have more staff than just the pastor to help with some of these things. But any given week, this is what pastors across your community are doing.

You see them preaching on Sunday morning. That sermon usually takes around 10 hours to write and get ready to deliver. That doesn’t include all the other prep for Sunday morning, like typing up and printing bulletins, getting ready to teach a Sunday School class, choosing music or approving music for the service, picking up the coffee and tea, and making sure all volunteers will actually be showing up on Sunday. Then after church, they are putting things away, cleaning up, and getting the list of thing they need to remember for the next week going. (Remember to go pick up more pens. Get more giving envelopes printed. The nursery is out of wet wipes, pick some up. Etc.) Sunday morning takes a team of people to pull off, but the pastor has the bulk of the work, usually spending 18 hours or more each week just making Sunday morning happen at all.

The pastor is also responsible for making small groups, midweek meetings, and/or Sunday School happen. Even when there are other people to help lead these group meetings, the responsibility to choose curriculum or books still falls on the pastor. Every study done in a small group is usually read by the pastor first, to make sure it fits with their congregation and isn’t heresy. (Pastors, if you don’t already do this, you should.) They are also responsible for teaching those that are teaching how to teach and lead. They are checking in with them, seeing how things are going, and keeping up to date on the group’s progress. Just because they may not be at every small group meeting does not mean they aren’t actively involved in every small group.

The Pastor is on call all the time. Not just for church members, but for anyone in the community. He is called in for counseling on a regular basis. Some of those, he’ll refer to a counseling professional after an initial meeting. Some, he’ll continue to meet with on a regular basis. He is always there when people need to talk, not just people who give or contribute to the church. It may simply be a phone call. Or he may have to leave before dinner and head out to pick someone up that needs a friend right now. Sometimes it is people just needed a place to vent. Life is stressful. Sometimes he may need to mediate a family conflict. Sometimes he may need to pick someone’s teenager up and try to be a voice of reason when they aren’t listening to much of anyone lately. Whatever it may be, it can take hours of his day or week, even in a small congregation. And he can’t just turn off his phone, ever. Because people need him.

The Pastor is often just the guy people call when they need someone. Emergency childcare, emergency transportation, house work, yard work, moving- he’s just the guy you call because he is dependable. When a single mother of four is evicted from her apartment, he’s the guy people call to help her figure out temporary and permanent housing. When she needs a sitter for a job interview, he’s the guy called to babysit. When someone locks their keys in their car, he’s the guy to call to drive them across town and back with the spare key. He’s just the reliable guy that will drop anything he can to help anyone he can.

The Pastor is visiting people often. This is something people in the church should be doing as well, but the pastor is making it a point to see the elderly, sick, and shut-ins in his care often. Taking them flowers to brighten their room. Delivering cards from the kids’ Sunday School class, so they know they are missed and still feel like part of the church. Taking them communion when they can’t make it to church because no one should have to miss the sacraments. He’s visiting strangers in the hospital, because someone called and said there is someone in a local hospital that needs someone to talk to. He’s also visiting with those in the church outside of a church setting. Getting together for coffee to catch up on life. Grabbing a quick lunch on someone’s lunch break with them just to be able to chat. He is staying connected constantly, which takes face to face time.

The Pastor is out there in the community doing the work of Jesus. Yes, he is coordinating volunteers to do this work as well. Yes, he is harassing and dragging those in the church along with him at times. But he knows from the example of Jesus to be a servant leader, to get out there and do the work himself, hoping you’ll follow his example. Often, he’s going at this alone, unable to convince anyone to join him. But he’s out there getting his hands dirty for Jesus, caring for the least of these.

The Pastor is constantly reading and trying to stay “in the know” on both or culture and the Christian culture. He’s reading through the top books at the Christian book store so he can know what you’re hearing. He’s staying up to date on current events so he can know where people are. He’s challenging himself by reading theology, counseling, and leadership books so he can be the best he can be for you. He’s also doing his own daily Bible study, and studying the Bible with his family. He’ll also, likely, be heading to conferences and meetings to stay “up on his trade”, like continuing education. And he’s likely listening to the sermons of other pastors throughout the week.

The Pastor also has to do work that just needs to be done. Keeping up the church website, making sure it stays current and relevant. He has to send out the same information in a half dozen different ways to make sure everyone is informed. He can’t just send an email about an upcoming event because half the church will say they don’t check their emails. He’ll have to put it on the website, knowing only 3 or 4 people even check that on a regular basis; make a Facebook event and personally invite every person in the church and share it on the church’s group page; share it on Twitter; send half the church a text about it, because that is the only mode of communication they use; and then call people every few days to make sure everyone knows what is going on. This is all in addition to the ad on Sunday morning and the reminder in the bulletin. He has to upload the sermon each Sunday and make sure he shares it on every available social media platform. It may look like he is always promoting himself, but really, he has to share things that many times to make sure everyone in the church even knows the thing exists. He’ll also have to type up and send prayer request emails through the week as people call or send those to him.

The Pastor may also have other ministries that he is involved in. Our pastor is on the board for our association, so any given week, he has several hours of work to help them out as a volunteer. They are also contacted by all manner of non-profit ministries and organizations to try to solicit the congregation on their behalf. They have to wade through each request and determine if the non-profit is in line with the values and mission of their church and what their involvement should be, if any.

There are also the services a pastor performs. Weddings and funerals both take considerable time and often, pastors aren’t paid for either. A wedding usually takes about 30 hours of work from the Pastor. (10 hours of counseling, 5 hours to write the service, 5 hours for the rehearsal, 10 hours the day of the wedding from pre and post wedding duties.) A funeral usually takes about 20 hours of work from the Pastor. (10 hours meeting with the family and writing the service. 6 hours of visitation. 4 hours for the actual service and after.) Keep in mind, in both scenarios, the Pastor is first there and usually last to leave. And a pastor isn’t guaranteed to make any money from either, even if travel and hotel expenses are involved.

There are also other speaking engagements a pastor may be asked to do. A youth camp, a retreat, a service at a Christian school. Those are often unpaid, as well.

The majority of a pastor’s work is secret, unseen, so it is easy to see where the misconception comes from that they don’t do that much. But when you are going through a crisis, you know who you can call. When you are in need of guidance, you know who you can call. We know they do things other than just preach on Sunday morning, but we often don’t think about just how much they are doing.