Out Of My Head

I Tried Aldi

Lindsey Jane9 Comments


So many people have told me about the life changing magic that is shopping at Aldi. I have read forum posts in praise of the grocery store chain. I see Pins about the magical budget solution Aldi is. Friends have been aghast that I have never stepped foot inside the place. So, I finally took the plunge. With so many various people telling me about the glory of the store, it was time.
Imogene and I grabbed a quarter and headed to our local Aldi. First, they told me I needed a quarter for the buggy. They told me I would get it back. They did not tell me how to use this magic buggy. It took us a minute or two to figure out where to put the quarter. But we finally figured it out. No thanks to the 3 people than angrily huffed around us getting their own buggies and not letting us in on the secret quarter spot.
We walk toward the door, which is laid out completely backwards. The entrance is on the left, the exit on the right. That isn’t how this works. That is just anarchy. It was maddening to walk through the WRONG right way in. (Have I mentioned I have been diagnosed with mild OCD? I took my therapist’s advice and just made myself do it, despite my discomfort. “Live with the discomfort,” she tells me. And I did. Very much discomfort.)
Entering, it appears they are trying to have an IKEA type system here. All traffic flow moving one direction. No going back. Only this first section looks like a walk through a typical convenience store. Off brand chips and pretzels. Not at all what I am there for. And none are a seemingly good deal.
We get to the dairy case where people have raved about milk and egg prices. I was not at all impressed. $0.10 a gallon cheaper for milk than my beloved Kroger. The doors lead to some abyss that is their dairy cooler. I’m pretty sure the way things are just thrown and stacked around isn’t up to code. I wonder if grocery stores have health inspectors. I worked at a grocery store, you’d think I would know this information. My giant pregnant self has to try to move a cardboard pallet that has a couple squashed and leaking gallons of milk left on it to try to get to the new pallet underneath. The milk on the full pallet barely looks better. But I am squatting and leaning into a grocery cooler and am starting to loose feeling in my toes, so I grab a couple of smashed up gallons and hope for the best. I go to check the eggs. They are the same price as Kroger, but I am here, so I might as well buy these. All smashed. Like someone dropped a milk pallet on top of the eggs this morning smashed. No eggs it is.
We move on to the produce. We’ve heard about the wonderful prices. I supposed paying $0.11 per pound of bananas sounds fabulous, but very few of the bananas appear edible. Every single bag of clementines contains at least one molded clementine. Every single bag of potatoes contains at least one very rotten potato. (Super pregnant nose knows.) The prices are actually higher than Sprouts, but the food is almost inedible. Why pay ANY money for mushy onions?
We scan the canned goods. Dented cans. Prices the same or higher than Kroger. At this point, we decide to just pay for our milk and leave. The store is dirty, poorly organized, and I’m pretty sure I’ll get tetanus from the shelving. We escape before the zombies break out of the back room.
Aldi’s was straight up terrible. It reminded me of the tiny grocery store we had in rural Mississippi, only, if everyone had left the store unattended for a week. The Dollar Store is a better shopping experience, guys. I was told to expect Trader Joe’s. It was nothing like Trader Joe’s. It was like shopping at Mud Tavern grocery, which was located in a single wide trailer. It was super depressing. I asked Imogene her thoughts after. She said she felt like everything was falling in on her and she was sure this was the place of her burial.
So, there. I tried it. I hated it. I won’t be going back. But let me know, is your Aldi this terrible? And if so, how do they even stay in business? But hey, we did return our cart and get that quarter back.

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What the Pastor Wants to Say, but Doesn’t

Lindsey JaneLeave a comment

This list is really meant to give some insight and be lighthearted. The Pastor helped me out with this list. And yes, they are all true to life, but specific to our life. (And trying to take a picture with The Pastor was beyond ridiculous!)


(1) I really just need you there.

We honestly get that things come up, stuff happens, but we really do need people we can rely on.

(2) We had a late night, too. Or a baby who wouldn’t sleep. Or a kid who woke us up 27 times. And I also currently have a headache. And we still made it here, early.

(3) Yes, this is personal.

When you reject the church that we pour ourselves into, we do take that personally.

(4) This is what I do. Ministry is completely different than running a business. While I appreciate your input and ideas, you have to know that this is what I do.

(5) Yes, in fact, it must be the very best; it is, after all, for Jesus.

In times where people want to cut costs by cutting the quality of things like tea, coffee, paper, sound equipment, etc.

(6) We realize we live in a glass house and we are okay with that. There is no need to snoop, just ask us outright, we’ll answer.

(7) No, I can’t tell you about so-and-so. We may not have secrets of our own, but we do keep other people’s business in confidence. If you want to know the “deal with them” you’ll have to ask them.

(8) It isn’t always about you.

Sometimes, we do things you don’t like. And you have to realize that it isn’t always about you or your needs or your taste.

(9) You’re curious about where they’ve been? Have you called them?

(10) We sacrifice a lot for this. This isn’t just a job or hobby. This is a calling we see as vitally important.

(11) I’m absolutely available to answer your questions, provided you are actually looking for answers.

(12) No, I won’t call your friend at work and tell them why their pastor is wrong. If you would like to defend your faith, I can give you the resources to do so.

(13) Actually, we do practice what we preach.

(14) Pastoring is more than just preaching. What you see on Sunday morning is only a small part of what we do.

(15) We always expect that we’ll have to do it ourselves. It isn’t that we don’t trust you, but we’ve been let down so many times, we’re always prepared to do it all.

(16) We really do want the very best for you and your family.

(17) I really need people to do the work of the ministry, not just come up with ideas. Ideas are great, but we need people to follow through on them.

(18) I have my own vision and my own calling. Don’t expect me to drop everything I am doing for your great idea of a ministry I could do.

(19) No, I cannot do counseling with your [spouse/child/parent/friend/cousin] to tell them you are right and they are wrong.

(20) 3 am is not the time to discuss Ezekiel. Call me at 3 am if it is an emergency. But calling me at 3 am to discuss Old Testament prophets is never a good idea.

(21) We are not all millionaires like televangelists. Most pastors work for far less than their equivalent degrees would earn them elsewhere. We aren’t in this for the money, but for the ministry.

(22) No, my kid can’t do the activity that has Sunday responsibilities.

(23) No, we can’t come to the family reunion on Sunday or a big church holiday like Christmas Eve or Easter.

(24) I really wish you’d stop reading books written by heretics. Need a good book recommendation? Ask me, I have more than a few to recommend.

(25) Ministry requires volunteers. We know you want a children’s program, but you have to have people to run that. We can only do so much with limited volunteers.

(26) I know this isn’t how it was done at your church growing up, or your sister’s church, or by the pastor who was here before us. Do you like being compared to your mother-in-law?

(27) We go through hard times too. We often forget to mention our own troubles or prayer requests, but we have tough times, as well.

(28) It hurts when we invest our lives in people and they turn away from us. We understand that, but we keep investing and giving anyway.

(29) We wish you would see our success as more than just numbers. Personal growth of disciples isn’t always quantifiable but is success nonetheless.

(30) I wish you wouldn’t apologize every time you cuss around me. Jesus takes us where we are. I’m really not judging you. I’m just happy you’re comfortable being yourself around me. Don’t ruin that feeling by making it awkward and apologizing. If you’re working on changing your vocabulary, let me know so I can encourage you as you make steps of improvement.

(31) We have many of the same struggles you have. We have limited finances, student loan payments, bills to pay, work and family to balance. We really do understand.

(32) We are in this as a family. I know you only see one name on the sign or with a title, but this is an entire family ministry.

(33) We make a lot of sacrifices to do this, so it is very upsetting when people put us down for not working normal hours. Often this means taking a second job, only having one car, not being able to buy a home, having no health insurance, giving up saving for retirement. We sacrifice. We don’t want to tell you about this, because we don’t want to complain about what the Lord is providing through His people. But this is more than a 40-hour/week job. This is an all-the-time, always-on, immersed-in-your-work way to live. It is far from cushy.

(34) Sunday mornings are not a good time to complain. If you need to complain about something, I understand. Sunday morning or Saturday night are the worst times to do so. Shoot me an email or text Sunday afternoon or Monday morning. Let me focus on what God is speaking through me on Sunday morning.

(35) I am not looking for a “better” opportunity. We are serving where we are called to be. I don’t need you to send me information on churches looking for a pastor. This isn’t a typical job where you look to climb some sort of ladder. I’m where I need to be for now.

(36) We will drop everything for you, even when we know you are using us. It isn’t that we don’t know, we know. We just love you enough to do it anyway.

(37) It is hard for us to balance the work we do for the church with the work of the church. We honestly cannot do it all. We are always aware that without volunteers, the church will be lacking in one area or another. We just can’t be the whole body.

(38) We know we’re always pushing for more. It isn’t that we aren’t satisfied. We just know there is always further up and further in. And the work is just never done.

(39) Seriously, I don’t just want your money. Yes, ministry takes money. But we are really in this FOR you. (In fact, I pray God will give YOU more money than you know what to do with.)

(40) I know you did a quick Google search, but I do have a Masters of Divinity degree. You aren’t an expert on anything in 20 minutes compared with my 90 hour graduate program that was after my bachelor’s degree.

Epiphany Family Devotion

Lindsey JaneLeave a comment

We celebrate Christmas for 12 days and then comes this day we call Ephipany. Some people call it Three Kings Day. We tend to think of the kings, be they three or not, and think about the gifts they brought Jesus. They brought significant gifts, as we will read. But the gifts aren’t exactly what we are celebrating on this day.  

Read Matthew 2:1-12

We aren’t sure where the kings were from, simply that they were from the east. These were not Jewish men. They were Gentiles, simply meaning, they were from outside Israel. These wise men followed a star to Jesus. We don’t know exactly when they came. We don’t know their names. We just know they heard a prophesy, saw a star, and came to Jesus with gifts.

Now, the gifts themselves were significant. Not traditional baby gifts, by any means. What kind of gifts would you give a baby? (Pause for discussion.) The wise men brought gold, frankincense, and myrrh. What strange gifts. Gold for a king. Frankincense for a priest. Myrrh for a dead man. But the gifts aren’t what is important here. What they reveal about the giver is what we celebrate on Epiphany.

Epiphany is defined as being a moment of sudden revelation or insight. It is from a Greek word that means Reveal. At Epiphany, we see Jesus being revealed to people outside of Israel. Epiphany is about Jesus being revealed to the Gentiles, the world. He isn’t just going to be the king, priest, and savior of Israel. He is going to be king, priest,, and savior of all men. The gifts given reveal to us that the Kings, the Wise Men, knew who Jesus was and that He had come to save mankind, not just the nation of Israel.

So, today, we celebrate! Not only has Jesus been born, He has been revealed to the whole world. Not only did Jesus come to save His own people, the people of Israel, He came to save all mankind. He came as a King, Priest, and Savior for the whole world! Rejoice!

Ask LJ- Reviewer Questions

Lindsey JaneLeave a comment

lj-with-glasses-big

I get asked a lot of questions about reviewing. I figured I would answer them all in Ask LJ style for you.

LJ,

How did you get started as a reviewer?

Wanting To Begin

Wanting To Begin,

This is an easy one! I rely really heavily on reviews when I shop. I don’t want the advertisement junk or sales people pitches. I don’t care about all that. I want reviews. What did real people think about the product? That is where the good info is. Since I rely so heavily on reviews, I started feeling like it was my duty to review the things I tried, good or bad, to help others when they were looking to make a purchase. So, I started reviewing everything I bought. I started reviewing mostly on Amazon, because that is where I made the majority of my online purchases. I then started reviewing books on Goodreads. Basically, anywhere I could. I do post some reviews here on my blog. Some get pic reviews on Instagram. But really, I just started reviewing the things I was buying anyway. I didn’t buy things just to review them. I didn’t overspend trying to get enough “good stuff” to review. Just reviewed the things I bought and used.

LJ

Dearest LJ,

I want free stuff. How do I get free stuff to “review”?

Make It Worth It

Make It Worth It,

This is the most often asked question. Honestly, the answer is that I don’t know. This reviewing thing just kind of landed in my lap. I didn’t really seek it out, so I don’t know how someone seeking it out would go about it. For me, I wrote reviews because I like reviews. I did that for years before I was sent my first item free for review. It started with books. Advanced Reading Copies that I read quickly and reviewed promptly. Then it branched out into other stuff. I also have quite a span of kids here, so reviewing some things is easier here because many ages can try the same thing in the same environment. If you dislike writing and don’t personally see value in reviews, this probably isn’t for you and that is okay.

LJ

LJ,

What is the craziest thing you have ever reviewed?

Curiosity Killed The Cat

Curious Kitty,

I think reviewing vitamins felt the weirdest. I know that seems strange, but it feels a little like being a human guinea pig. I also reviewed a slew of ovulation tests and pregnancy tests. Reviewing things you pee on is a little strange. Underwear. But honestly, those are the things you WANT reviews on! As far as just, weirdest, I guess that would be… I don’t know. There are literally years worth of options. Weird rug that felt like a wet cat, home microderm abrasion machine that felt like I was sanding and vacuuming my skin at the same time, knives that The Pastor then cut the tip of his finger off with, a clarinet, a faucet, a loveseat- maybe I should just say they were unusual.

LJ

Dear LJ,

Reviewing seems like it’d be the best! Are there any bad parts?

Certainly Only Good

Dear Certainly,

It isn’t only good. It takes a lot of time. There are times I have to extremely limit what I will review because I know I am just too busy. I can only review so many books at a time. I have read so many bad books. Books that make me think, do they really just publish any old thing these days? So much time spent on bad books. And mediocre books. I mean, with so much wonderful literature in the world, and only so many pages that can be read in a lifetime, and I have voluntarily spent many of those on horrible or “eh” books. Really, it is sad.

And then there is having to write negative reviews. I don’t like that. But I feel obligated to honest reviews, so negative reviews are inevitable.

Time lines. When you are reviewing for fun, because you love reviews, and you are reviewing what you want, you can have whatever timeline you want. You can use it for 3 months, then review it once you really see what you think. But with most reviews that are given to you, they have a tighter timeline. And that isn’t always long enough to maybe test the product as much as you’d like. The ability to edit reviews does help this a bit, since I can go back after 3, 6, or 12 months or whatever and add to or change my initial review. Some timelines are even tighter. I, no joke, had a supplement company request a review in 3 days. 3 days for a supplement that literally would take 3-6 months to really give any information beyond what the bottle looked like.

And then you have the issue of stuff. Stuff accumulates. A person can only own so many vacuums. Some of my agreements state that I have to keep it or destroy it. Some say I have to keep it for a certain amount of time. Some don’t care who I pass it off to when I am done, I guess thinking maybe they’ll get a second bonus review from the product. But you accumulate stuff. And that stuff has to be dealt with in some way or another. And I have to remember which things have to be dealt with in which ways. Then you have the times when you try the thing, abuse the thing a little, and then the company wants the thing back because it broke or in some way performed in a way they didn’t expect. Then you have to get the thing out of your stuff storage system and send it back. It just all takes time and organization.

LJ

Hey LJ,

Do you make money on reviewing?

The Question Everyone Wants To Know

Everyone,

As much as The Pastor wishes that reviews generated income, they do not. My reviews do not pay a dime. In fact, the reviewed items themselves are now considered income by the IRS. So, really this could only cost me money at this point. I also never generate an affiliate link for items I received for review. (I do provide affiliate links for items I paid my money for. Affiliate links give me a few cents or whatever if a reader uses them to purchase something. So, if you want to support your favorite blogger, use their affiliate links!) So, no, this is not a lucrative hobby. More of a barter system type transaction. Again, I do this because I love reviews. I am a big fan of giving my opinion.

LJ

Dear LJ,

What is the best part of reviewing? Why do you like it so much? It seems like a lot of trouble.

Tell Me Why

Tell Me Why,

First, I value reviews when I buy something, so I like to think that I am helping build that type of consumer community where we all share our honest experiences in order to make things easier and better.

Second, I like to write and it gives me an outlet. Clearly, I do so in other ways, but in my early reviewing days, this and mom forums were where I did the majority of my writing. And mom forums are awful. So, reviewing it is.

Third, it really pushes me out of my comfort zone. I never would have tried paddle boarding if I hadn’t been sent a paddle board for review. I never would have cooked soup for weeks straight and found some amazing recipes had I not been sent a soup cookbook to review. Every review gives me the opportunity to experience and try something new. In the world of reviewing for free items, that often means trying things I might not have otherwise tried.

Fourth, I like giving my opinion. I like the satisfaction of being heard. I mean, I don’t necessarily think companies use my reviews to make their products better. But they could. And that is enough for me.

LJ

LJ,

What kind of products do you review?

What, What, What, What

What,

I really review anything I use. I started with books and baby items, since that is what I used most. It extended to toys, since I have kids from 19 months -10 years old. Household items were added to the mix. Clothes. Shoes. Soap. Vitamins. Electronics. Makeup. Beauty Products. Really, there isn’t much I won’t review. I’m more selective these days about what I will review, since there is only so much time to review things. But really, I review it all.

LJ

Dear LJ,

How do you write a good review?

Assist

Assist,

You write your experience. Really, that is about it. Do you like it? Do you hate it? What bothered you? How could it be better? What was particularly enjoyable about it? You’re just giving your opinion on the item in your hand.

I do take price point into consideration. I do take my expectations into consideration. I do take the opinions of my family into consideration. (An example of that would be a Korean lip peel that I hated but my 10 year old daughter loved. I would have rated it terribly, but she liked it, so I saw it did have some appeal and use to her age group.)

I find long reviews too cumbersome to get through. For book reviews, I don’t want the back of the book jacket when I am reading the reviews. I don’t need the entire plot.

My new favorite feature is pictures. I want pictures of the item from real people, not the professionally taken and photo shopped pictures. Real pictures. Even phone pictures. In fact, using your phone for reviews with pictures is the easiest in the world to do.

LJ

My Favorite Things in October

Lindsey JaneLeave a comment

favorite-things-october

I had a surprisingly difficult time choosing my favorite things this month. It was hard because I couldn’t list something like a feeling. (That walking through the grass that is smattered with leaves in the fall while you are alone is one of my favorite feelings. It reminds me of college, because I walked to class across campus and rarely used the side walks.) I also had my share of things that just were not my favorite. Some, I thought were sure to be on the list and then they just weren’t.

  1. Pressing Pause by Karen Ehman and Ruth Schwenk

 

pause

This book is lovely. It is a hardcover devotional book for moms. It is really geared toward moms with kids at home. It just takes a few minutes a day to read through each devotion and Scripture. They even include a prayer each day. No mom brain excuses for not getting your devotions done. There is also space to journal your thoughts to a few questions each day. I skip the journaling part, since I am usually feeding a baby while I do this devotion. I just think about the questions instead. This book is beautiful and would make a lovely gift. I’ve included this book in my Favorite Things Giveaway. It is just that good.

2. Majestic Bible Tabs

bible-tabs

I took on the task of adding Bible tabs to each of my kids’ Bibles. For homeschooling, we have pew Bibles, so everyone’s is the exact same. But for personal use, my kids who can read have their own Bible. They were talking about how it sometimes takes them a long time in church to find the passage and they can’t follow along because by the time they find it, Daddy is halfway through reading it. So, I bought tabs for each of their Bibles and put them in for them. I got the boys the rainbow kid version and Imo got the purple princess version. The majestic tabs come with a template, so you can easily line each tab up and not have to guess and they all end up pretty much even. The kids love them. They work really well. It did take me a few hours to tab all three Bibles, but the result is lasting and awesome. Now they can look up verses more quickly so they can follow along.

I’m including a set of tabs in my Favorite Things Giveaway basket!

3. Casemate Pocket Journals

Walmart carries these little 2 pack pocket journals and they are awesome. They are cheap. ($1.88 for a 2 pack) They are cute. (I love the periwinkle and pink pack.) They have satin bookmarks built in. Each journal has 80 lined pages. These are perfect for taking sermon notes, jotting yourself quick reminders, or whatever. I love them. I’m including a pack in my giveaway basket!

4. Recollections Divider Tabs

I get these at Michaels and they are really nice and super handy. Just a simple sticker that you put on a page to make it have a tab. They come in a rainbow of colors. I love using them in my Bible to mark things that are important. They are pretty permanent, so don’t use them for temporary page saving. They are great for journaling, bullet journaling, planning, organizing, etc. I’m including a pack of these in my giveaway basket!

5. Treat Yo Self Mug

treat-yo-self

I got this massive cup at Walmart for $2.88. It has provided so much amusement. Seriously. I put my coffee in this cup (or my Pumpkin Spice and Chill cup) every single day and it gets a little smile and laugh every single time. I just love it. I love the font choice, the color, the saying, the size. It is my little happy in every morning. I’m including one in my favorite things basket!

6. Glitter Nail Polish Technique

Just watch this video on YouTube. It shows you how to apply glitter nail polish so it looks stunning. And it works! I saw the video, had to try it. Imo and I were pretty impressed. Even super cheap polish looks high end with this technique. (Which was great because who spends good money on Halloween nail polish?)

7. Glitter Washi Tape

washi

I know I have already confessed this obsession many times, but it just has not ceased. Sure, glitter washi is a little thicker than regular washi and when you put it on every single page of your planner it will bulk up, but it is worth it. This month, I used it to disappear some mistakes I made in my planner. Next month, I’ll use it to fancy up my birth certificate. Just kidding. Maybe. I don’t know what it is about me and glitter all the sudden. I’m just into it like a 10 year old. I’m including some glitter washi tape in My Favorite Things basket. (And if you click on that link and think, but do I NEED 6 rolls of gold glitter washi tape, the answer is yes, yes you definitely do. But you can buy single rolls at Walmart.)

8. Dr. Ph. Martin’s Bombay India Ink

This is a little bit of a weird one. I have been getting into hand lettering. It is so much fun and it is relaxing.

signI made this canvas at a local art place. (Project Studio, which is an amazing place, if you’re in the area.)  This along with the above linked book kind of got me started. However, at home, I wasn’t very happy with how my letters turned out with acrylic paint. I had to really water it down to get it to the consistency I wanted. Enter India Ink. The perfect consistency for hand lettering with a paint brush. You can add water or not. Either way, it is wonderfully smooth and perfect for this use. They also make a pretty big assortment of colors. Of course, black is my go to, but I am trying to branch out.

9. Spry Gum

This is weird, I know. But this has been a staple for me. For some reason, my teeth clenching has returned, so gum is a must. But I don’t want sugar gum. But I don’t want aspartame gum either. Spry is sweetened entirely with xylitol, which is good for your teeth. Boom! I’m really loving the spearmint flavor right now. And yes, I buy the big jars of it. I need it. Green Tea was my go to flavor, but I am apparently switching it up this month.

10. Kate Spade Live Colorfully Perfume

This is another weird one coming from me. I am not a perfume person. I never have been. I like smelling nice. But perfume has just never really been my thing. But this perfume, it makes me feel like a grown up. I feel together. I feel beautiful. It smells adult, but not too adult. I just love it. And I have enjoyed wearing it. Probably freaked some people out that I suddenly smelled like a grown woman. Such is life.

This post does contain affiliate links. Use them! That supports me. And I like to be supported.

 

 

My Favorite Things Giveaway

Lindsey Jane13 Comments

favorite-things-giveaway

This month, I am going to be putting together a basket of some of my favorite things! The basket contents will be a surprise. But you could win it! I’m really excited about this! Get excited with me!

So, how do you enter? Easy. Comment here. It is that simple! Entries will close at midnight on October 31st, 2016 EST. I will literally be putting your names in a basket and pulling out a name.

Want your name in there more than once? Like Notes From The Parsonage on Facebook and comment here that you liked it. Subscribe to my blog and comment here you subscribed. Share this giveaway on your social media and comment here that you shared. Each of those things will get you an extra entry!

I’m really looking forward to sharing my favorite things with you! May the odds be ever in your favor.

** This giveaway is now closed. Like me on Facebook and Subscribe to the blog for future chances to win! **

Loneliness In Our Journey

Lindsey Jane1 Comment

I read an article the other day about the loneliness modern stay at home mothers have. They had statistics and fancy numbers, but alas, I cannot find the article. However, that is likely a good thing. As the article in question suggested some very, well, in my opinion, terrible advice. But this is something that has been on my mind lately.

mom and boys

Stay at home moms often have very little adult interaction. Our Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat feeds might give that away. But little people, while adorable and awesome, aren’t always the best kind of company. They are always demanding and give very little back. This along with the fact that our work is never done, often very underappreciated, and usually overlooked- well, it can quickly lead to feeling like less than a person. Then when you take into account our inability to shower, constantly fluctuating bodies, and not a lot of time for trivial things like nail polish and facials, well, it becomes easy to see how we get depressed. The perpetual joke of the wife who “let herself go” isn’t so funny to us because we understand and feel the weight of that. It isn’t what we wanted. But life is like that, isn’t it?

lj with glasses big

 

In our current culture, many of us find ourselves living far from family. We’re far from the free help of family babysitters who just want the joy of hanging out with our kids. Date nights become costly as we factor in childcare and pizza for the kids into the expense it takes. It very quickly feels not worth it. No support. No help. Just us organizing all of this alone.

hiking kids

As Christians, we aren’t likely to move to a commune or give polyamory a try. (Which is what was suggested in the initial article.) So where does that leave us? Just treading water until the kids go to college? I don’t think so. I think we can do better than simple survival.

beach boys

First, whether you chose to be a stay at home parent or it simply happened, it is for a purpose. Whether it is temporary or permanent, there is a reason. Knowing that you have a purpose and there is reason for your labor can make the work itself seem easier. Dishes washed get dirty quickly. But dishes provide the canvas where you nourish those in your care. There is meaning in what we do. Making our house happy for those in it provides deep benefits to those living with us. It means something, even if the work is never done.

cooking

Next, we have to build community. It is okay to reach out through virtual means. Staying connected on social media is absolutely okay. (Especially when you are keeping in contact with people you really know in real life.) Just don’t forget that what you see isn’t always the truth. I can photoshop my life to look any way I want it to look. That isn’t the real day to day in my home. That is just a peak. Just the highlight reel. Just remember that. And if the comparison trap entangles you often, it is okay to say no to social media.

pip tangeled

You also have to build your real community. Real people you can talk to and count on. The easiest way to do that is through your church. Join a small group. Reach out. Know that there are other people like you that need someone. You can be their someone. And they can be yours.

race day

Practice hospitality. I know, having people over for dinner seems like the last thing you need. More work. But inviting people into your home is inviting them into your life. These are the people you know you can call when you need emergency childcare at 2 am. These are going to be the people at your door with dinner when you need them. It is a little extra work, but it is well worth it.

peace love pip

Don’t let trivial junk drive your friends away. I know you think you wouldn’t do that, but we do it all the time. We distance ourselves from those who make different choices. Homeschool moms flock to homeschool moms. Public school moms flock to public school moms. The diapers on our kid’s butts somehow tell other moms if we are worthy of their friendship. Don’t be like that. Don’t let literal crap matter that much. Friends are people who are there for you. Choose wisely, because friends can make our lives worse. But know what matters and what doesn’t. Don’t let the small stuff keep you from getting close to people.

friends

Be the friend you want to have. I wrote a whole post on this that I decided not to post. But I think the point still needs to be made. You want someone who will bring your chicken soup when you are sick? Then take a friend chicken soup when they are sick? Want someone to babysit your kid free of charge so you can have a much needed date night? Babysit someone’s kid(s) free of charge so they can have a much needed date night. You have to create the community you want to be a part of.

zoo friends

Don’t push your spouse away. It can get so easy for us to get resentful of their adult interaction and their time not spent scrubbing bathroom walls. But this isn’t an us versus them scenario. We are all working together to make this family thing work. Don’t push away your partner in this endeavor.

ag+lj

Don’t push away from God. I know you’re busy. I know you have things to do. I know the idea of “quiet time” is laughable. But you can still find ways to seek God. You can turn on music while cleaning and praise His name. You can read devotions with your kids that will feed all of you. You can pray while doing any task. Seek Him. He is our Friend.

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You are not alone. You are doing a great job. Whether this is for a season or forever, the time you give to your family is not wasted. Now, I think someone out there is praying for a friend like you.